The Nothing.

I seek all of the nothingness.

Gmork could have been convinced to reroute his henchmen efforts and spread a good word to The Nothing about a new plan to destroy The Manipulators, but Atreyu was too young to understand. Put me in, coach. I can do it.

“I’m looking forward to doing nothing. I really enjoy doing nothing.”

I say this to a friend and nod to myself quietly, very happy that I’m able to verbalize this calming thought of a bright future for myself. Nothing sounds so great. Thinking about doing Nothing at every point prior to this time in my life, has merely been a fantastical dream. A wondrous bit of imagination that ranked up there with Willy Wonka’s elevators that went sideways (a great idea.) An out of reach construct that had to serve as survival brain fodder, in order for me to make it through all the fucking Somethings I had to do. I’m an Athiest and don’t believe that this life is a “test” and we must struggle to later enjoy the afterlife - but I have really been forced into that shit by capitalism. Boo.

The Nothing activities that I imagined then, still had elements of “something.” The fantasies still involved what I would consider to be “relaxing activities.” Activities. I don’t want that now. I mean - yes, I do want some relaxing and fun activities, I love that! But in addition, I want The Nothing. It is not “rotting,” as I sadly see some Gen Z’ers calling it. Even if that’s a term for funsies, there’s some truth in how doing Nothing is still viewed. I hate that for them.

The Nothing is not boredom - I even just yesterday had to remind myself that I was not fucking, “bored.” I’ve been sick for a week and I had not worked on anything by six pm. Not an art. Not a deadline. Not an email. “Wow, I must be bored,” was my go to thought. I put a mask on and went to a local hardware store to get caulk and also to meet the store’s cat - who had many glowing google reviews. I met the cat, got the caulk, but did not buy said cat’s signature scented candle. When I arrived home, I realized that I didn’t feel that great - one, I am still not well. Two, I was tired. Was I going to caulk in the night hours? No. Had I needed to meet that cat immediately? Well…kind of— okay, okay. I could have delayed it. But I forced myself to not do Nothing and I apologize to yesterday me for all of it.

This is Decker, from the Federal Hill Ace Hardware store.

This is Decker’s signature candle. It’s hard to say the trip wasn’t worth it.

Today I did pretty well at doing Nothing. I knew that I had to type this here thing to give to y’all, but it’s a better something when I can easily, conceptually make it all work. Translation: when work activities have minimal effort. For physical health, mental health - and freshness of ideas that don’t need to be sat upon for years. Some do. I’ll revisit this topic, but it felt like an earnest thing to be discussing right now. Especially as we come upon this eclipse. This springtime and changing of the seasons, where we all feel the pressure to present as “something something renewed people,” even if we’re not. Every year, like a bunch of giant cicadas (not again with them, ugh) we crawl out of our apartments and start running around screaming about the sky and the sun.

But I don’t feel like a cicada emerging to do a bunch of screaming and pissing on the Earth with incredible force. Or fucking and shedding skin all over the place. I don’t feel like even doing the older adult version of whatever that Spring Break cicada human shit is. I want so much more…Nothing. I don’t mean, chilling and thinking about things to do. I mean NOTHING. I am not excited about a new project and I don’t want to be. I went out to get a slice of chocolate cake and a cortado and then crawled back in bed and didn’t watch anything. Scrolled through zero feeds. I stared into space and then fell asleep for a lil nap. It was great. I would like more of that.

I referenced the movie, The Neverending Story at the top of the post. I will say that I understand how The Nothing (go google, I don’t have time for this shit) was a threat in the film - and I mostly agree. The Nothing - as a force that took imagination away from humans and destroyed their world - and their fantasy world! A destruction that involved motherfuckers not reading books! Having no fantasies! Yeah, fuck that! That’s terrible! But I’m saying…I’m saying that…maybe grown Atreyu would have also brought up the fact that the human world was mostly at risk of imagination being destroyed, because adults never got a chance to do Nothing. Doing Nothing is still frowned upon. And you know what - kids get admonished for it too. Maybe in the film, they could have struck some frenemies deal up and been a little smarter. But Atreyu was too young to have middle aged razzle dazzle hustler skills and experience. Send a professional next time.

Anyway, I have some Nothing to get to so I’ll cut this something short. I’m getting much better at cutting my somethings and maybe this little note will help you to do the same. So we can all do a bunch of The Motherfucking Nothing.